09-13-11
Idolatry: The Jerry MaGuire Syndrome.
If you have not seen the movie, let me fill you in. After finally rebuilding a crumbling career, the main character, Jerry MaGuire, sprints back to the house of his love interest, Dorothy Boyd. In an emotionally riveting scene, through misty eyes these two characters exchange some rather heart-jerking dialog:
Jerry MaGuire: I love you. You… you complete me. And I just…
Dorothy Boyd: Shut up, just shut up. You had me at “hello.”
Heart-warming perhaps, but is this really true? That we find completion in another human being?
We hear that we become complete when we meet that ‘special someone’ who ‘isn’t perfect, but is perfect for me.’ In many ways culture wraps up our hope in dreams in that relationship popularized by ‘The Notebook’ and pretty much any other romantic movie I have seen recently. (After a while they start to blur together.) I attended a Christian wedding last night where the pastor made the comment that the couple had been ‘incomplete’ without each other previously, but now in marriage they would find true fulfillment.
Currently the divorce rates where I live are 74%.
Well either the majority of people aren’t waiting long enough for that perfect person, or that perfect person does not exist. If we can only find completion in another human being then someone should text the Apostle Paul and tell him he got it wrong because he said…
“And you are complete in Christ, who is the head of all principality and power.” – Col. 2:10
If the highest quality of life is only realized in marriage then the Apostle Paul also never experienced true living because guess what? He died single. Not only this but he openly condoned and promoted living a single life. To quote Paul, “Being single is good, and being married is good,” however the mindset that permeates culture is, “being single is good, and being married is better.” Paul saw singleness as an effective way to serve God, not a hindrance. Eternal life is realized in Jesus Christ, not with a spouse. So what is the problem? I believe in many ways America has idolized a good thing, marriage. America has placed the guy/girl relationship upon a pedestal of Godhood.
Removing an Idol
Now keep in mind that I want to get married, but ultimately God is the only relationship designed to give purpose or fulfillment, the problem is that guy or girl is perhaps the easiest Idol substitute. They are more tangible, visible, and you need only walk by sight. To entrust the completion of that inner void to God is to walk by faith, but perhaps handholding is more immediately fulfilling than reliance upon God and so we fall into the trap of idolizing another person.
If you are looking down the aisle believing anything except that you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with a dirty rotten sinner who won’t complete you, then you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. This statement of advice is not mean to be taken literally, but philosophically.
Really, it is a wonder to me that any marriage with the cultural mentality survive at all, considering the amount of pressure that is placed on the other. Could you imagine being responsible for giving the person you date or marry purpose and meaning in life? Should it be a surprise to us that so many married men and women are unhappy? Quite honestly if they are looking for purpose in the person they married they should be unhappy. No human being can bear the full weight of another’s soul. The man/woman relationships popularized in our culture is largely seen as two broken pieces coming together to make a whole piece, but instead I think it’s more like one drowning person clinging to another drowning person thinking that they will save them.
I love you. You… you don’t complete me.
I am a single male, and it is rather astonishing the pieces of advice I have gotten from others about relationships and dating. “Don’t marry a person you can live with, marry a person you can’t live without.” Or “God said it was not good for man to be alone! You should get married.” Well last time I looked around at my friends and family I wasn’t alone. I can live without any girl, and I have learned to be content as a single male. I am fulfilled, I am complete and while marriage in an incredible gift from God, believe it or not if we die single then we could still have lived the Christian life.
You and I are complete in Christ…
Good blog buddy, all truth, we are just sinners and we cant save each other
09-14-11 » 07:04 »
Thanks man, totally agree, but it sure can be tough to live that way sometimes
09-14-11 » 18:18 »
Matt,
You are both right and wrong. Of course coming from me you may look at my comments as tainted. But here we are, father and son. I married your mother not because I wanted to be completed but I wanted her. I chose to marry her and on our wending day a saw my beautiful bride walking down the isle towards me and thought how wonderful she looked. Yes, there will be bad days, you have seen and remember some of them. But they are not all bad. We did have you…and eventually we loved you too…but that took a while.
There are some that say Paul was married for a time and possibly his wife died. I can’t remember is it was because he was a Jewish Counsel member or not, but he had to be married to join that club so to speak. There may be a woman at there for you or not, that is between you and God. But very few people have the gift to remain single. Divorce is up because people just don’t want to put the effort into their marriage any more. Marriage can be a lot of work and effort better spent else where and think this is what Paul was talking about sparing you from. Marriage starts with love but commitment to God is what keeps it together.
Love, Dad
09-16-11 » 19:25 »
Ya dad, I totally agree with you, not sure what I said in my post would counter what you think here.
09-16-11 » 22:02 »
Christian Carnival 14th September 2011 | Beyond Belief
[...] has posted some thoughts on man/woman relationships and idolatry in Idolatry: The Jerry MaGuire Syndrome at Zowada [...]
09-17-11 » 15:56 »
Great post! As a married woman, I can testify that when my marriage feels the most strain is when I expect my husband to fill a void that only God can fill.
09-18-11 » 01:19 »
Matt,
I appreciate your perspective on marriage as an idolized institution. Marriage is one of the most rewarding relationships that God has provided for us and yet the most challenging. But you are absolutely right and we tell married couples this all the time, “your spouse cannot meet all your needs, only God can do that.”
I can tell you that the Jerry MaGuire Syndrome causes more issues in marriage than anything else due to the expectations we place on each other. Our popular culture portrays an unrealistic view of what someone else is capable of providing for us, at least over the course of a lifetime. We can be anything for anyone for a period of time I guess but we’ll eventually fail and disappoint.
Great post.
Steve Fox
09-22-11 » 12:01 »
Thanks Steve,
I lived several years looking for that ‘one’ who would complete me, and even within that search I found an incompleteness. The most dangerous idols are the good things, such as marriage.
-Matt
09-22-11 » 20:51 »